Seth Meyers set Hillary Clinton straight in a new segment on his show, telling her the words she probably doesn't want to hear.
Hillary's new book is full of what sounds like excuses as to why she didn't win, and she's taking pot shots at everyone, including those who ran in her same party.
“Throughout the primaries, every time I wanted to hit back against Bernie's attacks, I was told to restrain myself,” Clinton wrote. “Noting that his plans didn't add up, that they would inevitably mean raising taxes on middle-class families, or that they were little more than a pipe dream – all of this could be used to reinforce his argument that I wasn't a true progressive. My team kept reminding me that we didn't want to alienate Bernie's supporters. President Obama urged me to grit my teeth and lay off Bernie as much as I could. I felt like I was in a straightjacket.”
She also wrote that her top aide, Jake Sullivan, told her that Sanders' campaign strategy sounded like it was ripped off of the film “There's Something About Mary,” where a hitchhiker says he has a plan to roll out seven-minute abs to top the famous eight-minute abs.
“That's what it was like in policy debates with Bernie. We would promise a bold infrastructure investment plan or an ambitious new apprenticeship program for young people, and then Bernie would announce basically the same thing, but bigger. On issue after issue, it was like he kept promising four-minute abs, or even no-minutes abs. Magic abs!”
What's Happening Now:
Seth Meyers told Hillary that she needed to stop blaming Bernie for her loss, since he had nothing to do with Trump attacking her.
“In published excerpts from her new book entitled “What Happened”, Hillary Clinton blames Bernie Sanders for causing lasting damage to her during the primaries that she says paved the way for President Trump's “crooked Hillary” campaign,” Meyers said. “Hillary Clinton, don't blame Bernie because Donald Trump called you names, I promise you he was gonna do that anyway… You think Trump needed Bernie's permission to be an asshole? Assholes don't ask for permission, that's what makes them assholes.”
“Bernie is not the reason you lost… you beat Trump by three million votes. If you want to blame something ancient, blame the electoral college,” he added.
“Trump won by saying he was going to build a wall. You should have said you were going to build a stairway to heaven or an escalator to Mars that you were going to make the Martians pay for,” the nighttime television host joked.
Meyers said the best way to move forward isn't to fracture the party, like Trump is doing to the GOP, but to bring us all together in the fight against the orange idiot.
“The best way to do this is to get the people who voted for you and the people who voted for Bernie on the same page,” Meyers stated.
It was an unfortunate loss, and one that hardly anyone saw coming, but now it's more important than ever that we band together so that this kind of election will never happen again.
2020 is coming.